Coparenting your children is hard. I’ve done it for about 6 years now and it has definitely had its ups and downs. Most people don’t go into this parenting journey thinking that they will have to split their time with their kids with the other parent but unfortunately it happens. I’ve come to a point in my life that I just accept it for what it is and try to make the best of it. My daughter loves her dad and I want them to spend time together. It is very important to me that he plays a big role in her life. I would never keep her away from him and encourage regular time together. We have the very traditional every other weekend set up and it works for us. We live about an hour apart so during the school year it would be hard for us to do more than that. But during breaks from school and the summer I try to get her to spend more time with her dad. This year we have actually experimented with her spending about every other week there and even though I miss her terribly it has worked well for us. We are very flexible about it depending on what we have going on but my daughter loves to spend the extra time with her dad, stepmom and sisters.
Tips to Cope
So what do you do with yourself when your kid is with their dad? Do you sit around and mope all day? Or do you buckle down and get a ton of work done and clean the house? I would love to offer an alternative suggestion. How about you take the time for yourself? We, as moms, always complain (or state the obvious) that we don’t have enough time for me time. Well if you are a coparenting mom you have some of that time built-in. For a long time I wasn’t very intentional about my time away from my daughter. I hung out with friends a lot, worked and cried way too often!
Once I started thinking about my alone time as a gift, it shifted my perspective. I now try to cherish it as time to recharge my batteries so that I’m a better mom once she comes back from her dads. With that, I’m not saying that you don’t do the other things too. We all need to clean our house. And if your kid is anything like mine, the only time you can declutter her room is when she’s not there! Some of us schedule our work around our kids not being there you so you may need to work. Back when I had to work Saturdays, we worked it out that I worked on the Saturdays that my daughter was with her dad so I didn’t need a babysitter. It worked at the time for us. I just know that if you intentionally plan your time away from your kids it will help out so much.
Try New Things
For example, have you been wanting to try out that new coffee house in your neighborhood? Get up Saturday morning and go on a self-care date with yourself. Take your journal or a juicy new novel to read. Get a frappe and hang out for a couple of hours. Or try out that new exercise video without prying eyes being around. I know when I try to do an exercise video when my daughter is home she always needs something or is watching me and I can be so self-conscious when I start something new. Maybe take a long bath that is impossible when your kids are home. Try making a bucket list of the activities that you would like to try when your kids are with your dad. It’ll give you something to look forward to instead of dreading that time.
Do you need help coming up with a plan for your self-care time? Register for my FREE self-care masterclass and get planning sheets and my four step method for fitting self-care into the busiest of schedules!
Check out my list of self-care activities for some ideas!
If you are struggling with coparenting, check out this article for some great tips!
If you are a coparenting mom comment below and let me know how you spend your weekends without your kids! I would love to hear what other moms do.